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yourOleander

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Man I feel bloated. As per usual. I would hope to think that my period has something to do with it, but I'm not counting on it. That, and plus I haven't had bowl movement for a couple of days. I've been eating grapefruit cuz that seems to do wonders on cleaning my intestines, but the past few days I've been eating less and less fibre and more protein and stuff, so maybe that's why all the waste has accumulated inside me. Ewww.

Speaking of my period, it's like barely there. I haven't had it it a few months due to this massive weight gain, so I guess it's just slowly coming back. I can't wait till I get my weight down back to normal and then i'll have regular periods like normal people and I will be D-lighted.

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Maybe I wouldn't feel so inadequate and ugly all the time if I didn't live in a city where everyone is practically PERFECT. I'm talking beautiful, well-dressed, well-groomed, wealthy, and powerful-looking. For fear of disclosing my identity and location (I'm really paranoid, plz bear with me) I'll just say that I live in a very metropolitan city in Canada, one that is said to be home to some of the most beautiful people in the world. Why couldn't I live in Texas or something (it boasts the highest per capita obesity rate in the U.S. I believe). Oh well, I guess I just have even more motivation and necessity to shapen up!
Current Mood:
calm calm
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Didn't feel so great today -- I weighed myself with jeans and a sweater on and I was like almost 130! In other words I was probably even higher than 133 at my highest weight, I must have been 136. I know most people weigh themselves with less clothes on, but I've always weighed myself WITH normal clothes, and I recall at one point weighing less than 90. But whatever, either way I've LOST 6 lbs so far cuz without clothes I'm 126.

Foodwise I did well I suppose. Grapefruit for breakfast, chicken bouillon w/ spinach and portabella mushroom soup for lunch, and a peach for dinner. Hopefully I won't have to have anything else later cuz it's already 7:30, but if anything i'll have some tomatoe soup (aka. heated v8)

Exercise: Near none. walked to the store to buy peaches but that's it! Tommorow I'm going there again cuz prunes and apples go on sale tommorow! I like buying only a few fruits at a time so that it forces me to go at least twice a week and do a bit of walking, even if it's only like 5 minutes from my house. With summer school ending soon, and my fear of going outside due to my fatness, I'll have no reason whatsoever to leave the house except to do groceries...so i plan to make as frequent trips as possible!

On another note, my stomach feels so bloated and I feel so disgusting, it's as though I can feel every ounce of fat on me. I WANT LIPOSUCTION SO BAD. RIGHT NOW. Then this would all be over. Or why couldn't there be a pill that could make you lose weight instantly? I swear, that will be THE day. And whoever invents such a pill will be the wealthiest person alive. Perhaps I should devote my life to such an endeavor, haha right...maybe after I lose a few pounds eh?
Current Mood:
blah blah
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Good Lord, if there was ever an indication that I am out of shape, this has got to be it: I can't even manage to do more than 2 minutes of tae-bo consequtively. How do the people on the tape (even the overweight ones) manage to go for an hour? Geez at this rate it'll take me a week to complete the 45 minute workout...oh well better start training now than never!

On a brighter topic, my clothes seem to fit slightly better now! Even though i've only lost 6 lbs, but I guess that's still alot. Now 20 lbs to go and I can begin to fit into my old pants again...

cw: 126
I guess I'll make my goal of 125 by Tuesday afterall!

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What a yucky miserable day. It's raining outside and there's absolutely nothing to do...

Normally I'd invited friends over and chill but since I've put on so much weight this year I can't bear to face anyone. I'm so friggin pissed when I think about how this is supposed to be the best time of my life, yet I've wasted 2 years of university battling with stupid eating disorders and looking like a freak cuz I keep losing/gaining so much weight. That's it, I'm going to stay on track this time. I can't wait to be able to actually socialize again and not fear stepping out of the house...

Woke up at 8 this morning, stomach felt reallly funny so i ate a peach, and now it's been 5 hours since I've eaten and i still don't feel hungry. Hopefully I can wait till supper time to have chicken broth with spinach, and then a snack later at night. I hope my movies finish downloading so I can escape this boring/nothingness...

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